


Armor Break

by Samuraiter



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series
Genre: Humor, Multi, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-29
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-02 05:39:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16780714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samuraiter/pseuds/Samuraiter
Summary: What if Fire Emblem Heroes handled armor damage the same way as Senran Kagura?





	Armor Break

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted this to the [Pornovember 2018](https://12months-challenge.dreamwidth.org/10374.html?thread=32902#cmt32902) entry of the [12 Months Challenge](https://12months-challenge.dreamwidth.org) at Dreamwidth.
> 
>  **AO3** already contains several tongue-in-cheek porn-y parodies of _FEH_ , so I thought it might be amusing to poke a little fun at the game by imagining how it might be for the characters if the 'armor breaks' they sustained got turned up to _Senran Kagura_ levels of silliness ... à la _Fire Emblem Warriors_ , but dialed all the way up to ten.
> 
> Might be inclined to do multiple chapters of this if there is interest. Please note that the first chapter is not exactly explicit, but later chapters might be, hence the **E** rating.

Kiran noticed, as she picked up the Breidablik to attach it to her belt, that it made a little spark of magic as she touched it. She squinted hard at the gun-like artifact, but she did not notice anything peculiar about it after that display, and she shrugged as she reached for her white, gold-trimmed cloak. _Well, it's old. Hundreds of years, right? Or thousands? Old tech's going to be a little glitchy, even if it's magic_.

The Summoner did not realize, at that point, that the glitch she had noticed was going to turn a simple mission to Archanea into a disaster for the Order of Heroes that she was not going to live down for ages.

* * * *

"There's a mage in the trees, Hector," Kiran said, her eyes scanning the fields around them, "and an archer. I'll need you to take point to keep that one from getting a bead on Cordelia." Hector nodded, and she turned to Xander. "Cordelia's going to draw out the soldier who's further down that trail, Prince Xander, and you'll charge him once she does." At that, Xander saluted, drawing his sword. "Stay with me, Lady Lachesis."

"As you wish, Summoner," the blonde noble said, raising her staff and using her free hand to dust off her skirts as Hector stalked into the woods and Cordelia circled her Pegasus overhead. "This will be a short affair. These Emblians must be remnants of the first expedition. No real leadership." Kiran nodded. "You and I will be home in time for tea."

"I hope –" But the Summoner was interrupted by a strange occurrence. A single arrow sailed from the trees, striking Hector in the pauldron on his right shoulder as she approached the archer. She expected the arrow to _ping_ off the armor, not slowing Hector down in the slightest. Instead, it seemed to blow off all of the armor on his right arm, though it left the skin underneath untouched. Hector blinked in surprise. "Was that ... a magic arrow, Lachesis? Maybe some kind of explosive?"

"It ... does not seem like it." Lachesis narrowed her eyes. "Unless there is a subtle spell here that the two of us cannot perceive."

Hector opened his mouth to call back to Lachesis and the Summoner, but, in that instant, the mage hiding a short distance from him unleashed a ball of fire – not big enough to threaten the redoubtable Hector, but a danger if compared to a single arrow. He instinctively braced himself as it struck him, and it dissipated against his armor, but his armor ... more or less ceased to be there, leaving him bare down to the waist.

"What in the – ?" Kiran started to feel concerned. "Hector, come back. We're going to have to rethink this. Xander, go –" The Prince was already on his way, riding in front of Hector to cover his retreat. He raised his sword to block the next arrow that emerged from the trees, and he suffered a fate similar to that of Hector: Though the arrow _pinged_ off his sword, all the black armor on his right arm immediately fell off.

"This is _highly_ –" Xander exclaimed, though he was immediately interrupted by the axe-wielding solder emerging from the brush and running directly at Kiran and Lachesis. "Cordelia! Protect the Summoner!"

"At once," Cordelia said, diving down to intercept the enemy, her lance at the ready. Thanks to her matchless speed, she reached him in time, using the shaft of her lance to block the swing of his axe and force him backwards, but, at the instant of impact, her breastplate seemed to burst, bits and pieces of steel dropping to the ground as she interposed herself between the soldier and the Summoner. "I ... don't know what to make of this." Her face turned red as she looked down at her red tunic – still intact. "We need to resolve this quickly and head back."

"I agree," Kiran said. "I don't know what's going on." All three Emblians had emerged from the forest around them, gauging the distance as they prepared to rush their position. "There's got to be at least one more of them here. Keep your eyes open." Determination filled her face. "Cordelia, wheel around to deal with the mage. Xander, keep the soldier off Cordelia. Hector, try to get to that archer. We'll still win this."

"Aye!" Hector called, raising his axe and running at the archer as Cordelia took to the air and guarded his flank. Another arrow _pinged_ off his armor, striking his left leg ... and leaving him running at the archer in his breeches. Cordelia then whirled her lance in the air to deflect another fireball, and all the armor on her right arm and right leg fell to pieces. Xander, for his part, brought down the soldier, catching a half-hearted swing of the axe on the guard of his sword that unexplainedly still managed to leave him bare-chested in the saddle. Lachesis, to her credit, managed to keep a straight face.

"Press the attack!" the Summoner called, and her Heroes dutifully obeyed. Hector reached the archer and struck him down with a shout that echoed through the valley, and Cordelia speared the mage, dropping her to the ground before turning her Pegasus back towards Kiran and Lachesis. Again, Kiran said to herself, "Where's the fourth? There's _got_ to be a fourth here." But another Emblian did not seem to be forthcoming.

"Needless to say –" Lachesis said as the others returned to the Summoner. "– it _might_ be a good idea to return to Askr. There is still no explanation for this ... strangeness." She tapped her chin. "I wonder, though. If I may, Xander?" The Prince nodded, though he also narrowed his eyes as she used the tip of her staff to tap him lightly on his right knee. As she expected, the small gesture left him bare-legged. "Oh, my."

"I don't think that needs to be tested any further," Xander said quickly, but it was at that instant that a Cleric emerged from the trees, raising a staff and pointing it at the entire party. "Everyone, stand back and –"

Kiran blinked as a cloud of fabric seemed to explode around her, bits and scraps floating to the ground. _Oh, it's an area-of-effect staff?_ But she did not have a chance to pursue that thought as a naked Hector picked up the offending Cleric in both hands and summarily tossed her into a pond that Kiran had absently noticed amidst all of the trees.

It took Kiran a second to turn to the rest of the party and see what had become of them. She immediately blushed at the sight of a red-faced Xander holding his sword in front of himself to protect his modesty as Cordelia quickly swept her long hair to the front to keep her chest covered. Lachesis, standing next to her, acted unconcerned as she held her right arm across her breasts and turned the staff in her left hand upside-down in order to hold the orb-bearing end of it over herself.

"Um, Lady Lachesis," Kiran said, looking down at the ground in order not to look at any of her naked Heroes, "maybe you should try healing everyone and see if that, uh, fixes this?" To herself, she added, _I wonder why it didn't affect me? Not ... that I'm complaining_.

"As you wish." Kiran envied Lachesis her composure. "If you will be so kind as to stand in front of me, please? I need to raise the staff in order to use it." Kiran complied as the healing magic started to flow. "Hmm? This is ... certainly different." And the Summoner watched as clothing magically reappeared upon her Heroes as Lachesis 'healed' them. "Curious. I wonder if this is a permanent change?" The healer coughed. "In any case, I believe the mischief has been managed. Let us head back to the portal and return to Askr." To Kiran, she added, "I assume there is to be no mention of this to anyone, Summoner? Discretion and all that."

"Er, yes, Lady Lachesis," Kiran said. "Let's not say anything." But as they started to troop back towards the portal, she could not stop her heart from racing at the memory of her four Heroes in their altogether. _I might ... have to take some of the others out to see if this ... effect ... is still a thing. Not that I have an ulterior motive!_

Kiran absolutely had an ulterior motive.

And behind her, as the Emblian Cleric stood up, unseen, from the pond, wringing water from her robes and tossing back a small fish she had found inside her hat, other ulterior motives had started to bloom ....

 **END**.

**Author's Note:**

> I am willing to entertain requests (via comments) for upcoming chapters. Four things to note if you make a request:
> 
> First, I am interpreting this Kiran as female and bisexual.
> 
> Second, each chapter will feature a group of **four** Heroes – no more, no less.
> 
> Third, nudity will not necessarily be followed by ... shenanigans, but that is always a possibility.
> 
> Fourth, if there _are_ shenanigans, this is supposed to be a pretty light-hearted 'fic, so there will be no hard kinks (and I reserve the right to decide what 'hard' means).
> 
> In any case, thank you for reading and enjoying. If you want more, do not hesitate to ask. (And kudos are delicious, BTW.)


End file.
